Why I'm doing this...what is there for me to gain?

I have always wanted to belong to a place, a people, a culture; but so far, I have been alienated. I was born in Ghana and at the very tender age of two, sat on a plane and flew south, to South Africa. I spent the first few years of my life in the Transkei, where the predominant language was Xhosa - a language renowned for the "click" sound in its language. I took to this language, as well as to English, the language my mother spoke to me at home.
But something was amiss, my mother spoke a different language to me and that to our "helper" from Ghana. I did not understand it. It was the language of secrets, enthusiasm, joy and solitude. However, in this language she was a different person. It was as if she had two spirits, one which was ecstatic and genial, and the other serious and cautious. And these two spirits seemed to interchange with the language she spoke. As the years passed, I began to learn the language of my mothers' genial and happy nature - Twi.
Later on, we moved to Pretoria, where English and Afrikaans become the dominate languages. I lost my ability to speak Xhosa. But I had always spoken English and naturally gravitated towards it, and those who spoke the language.
Unfortunately, I left everything that was familiar and comfortable and moved to America, where I had to learn a new language, since apparently mine wasn't "English." Every time I opened my mouth, the voice which exited betrayed me.
I could not claim to be from anywhere, because I could neither speak the language, or speak it with the "correct" accent. I was lost, and still am. When I claim to be from my birth country, I am disowned, and ridiculed, simple because I cannot speak the language, Twi, though I can understand it fluently. I was born there. My parents are from there - yet, because I cannot speak the language I have been isolated - almost exiled.
In South Africa, I could never claim to be from there, although I grew up there - I knew I was a foreigner, and would always be such. And such is my life - a wonderer forever wondering. Yet, perhaps by taking Psych 17N(Language & Society) I might cease to be a wonderer wondering, but a being with a home.